Wedding Fever!!

Wow...my first post. I'm not in the blogging world! Hopefully I wont become completely addicted to this. I started Farmville and well we know how that has worked out for me :) Just kidding! Farmville and blogging are two completely different concepts! Hopefully I wont be a boring blogger!

This past Saturday was our wedding shower! It was my first real taste of the "wedding fever" that has just begun! I was completely overwhelmed. Is that bad...? I hope not! I had a wonderful time and enjoyed spending time with everyone. I felt like I didn't spend enough time with everyone and time just flew by! I can only imagine how crazy it will be on the actual wedding day! There will be way more people there and well it will be the wedding! I am very excited about it....the days are passing so fast now! I feel like it was a date far in the distance and now I look at the calender in shock. I think Matt is the same way! We are both truly excited.

As excited as I am about the wedding and celebrating this milestone in our lives with those we love....I am also petrified by the fact that I am going through this day without my Mother. I think about her every day and throughout every step in this process. The day I found my dress has probably been one of the biggest "meltdowns" that I've had. Of course I came home thrilled that I had found my dress and telling Matt how perfect it was and called my Aunt Rose. At the store I tried not to think about it because I didn't want to embarrass the girls I was with. I got through the entire fitting...the phone calls and then I got home. The meltdown was inevitable. I knew it would happen but I was thankful it was in the privacy of my own home and with Matt. He is such a caring man; I am so grateful for his patience and understanding. This past weekend was my wedding shower. I had such a wonderful time. So many loving friends and family were there to support us and show their love. I was going through the pictures today and smiling at all the memories that were created. As I went through the photos I couldn't help to have one of those moments. I don't have a picture my with parents. My parents weren't there. My Dad didn't show up...I guess he has his reasons...and my Mom of course wouldn't have missed it for the world, but didn't have a choice in the matter. It just sucks. That's the only way to put it :)

I have people there for me who love me as their own daughter but it will always be different. I dream about the wedding almost every night and most of the time they are good, happy and peaceful dreams. I have had the dreams that remind me that when I get to the end of the aisle there will be a flower sitting in my Mom's seat; not my Mom. I am so nervous that I will breakdown at the wedding and will be completely humiliated. I think that's partially why I didn't want to have a ceremony to begin with. I don't like to cry in front of people close to me; let alone a crowd. I'll do my best to hold it together...sigh but we'll see. Lately I've been waterworks...so I'm not sure how this will go.

Well I'm not so sure this is the most "exciting" blog beginning but it's what's going on for now! I promise my next one wont be such a downer!

Hopefully I will keep up with the blog...it might be fun to go back and read my prewedding thoughts...and after :)

Until next time...