The best things in life are free

I can confirm that statement. The best things in life are indeed FREE. Sometimes I think people lose focus and forget the truth behind that phrase.


Let me just start this off with a story...

I brought my dress to little alteration shop today so I could start the process. I went by myself and was greeted by a very friendly lady. She asked if I had come by myself and of course I said yes. She asked why I hadn't brought my Mother or Maid of Honor.

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My response was that my Mom couldn't make it and my Maid of Honor was working. Thankfully she didn't press on and left it at that. The lady did not mean any harm but of course it stung. Another wonderful reminder of what we're missing out on; mother and daughter.

It's been a rough couple of days for me emotionally. I think I'm coming over the "hump" because today I had a moment. Thankfully Matt was there to hold me, comfort me and listen. That's all I needed. That's all he can do and that's all that I need :) I am reminded by his patience, love and caring nature that I have found a wonderful husband!

Today I've received several messages from family members asking why my Dad wasn't at my shower. Sigh, another sting :) That's ok...I'm learning how to react. My response is basically that I am not sure. That is the truth as simple as it is. Does it bother me? Yes, very much so. What can I do about it...nada. My Dad has now said that he may not be coming to the actual rehearsal or the rehearsal dinner. He's got his reasons and that's fine. I reminded him that I would like him there but was told " the only thing I have to do is walk you down the isle, how hard is that" so I'm not sure my message got through. I guess we'll see :) I guess the entire point of this blog is I am blessed to have a wedding that I never would have imagined. As happy as I am with all of the material " stuff " sometimes it's not the "stuff" that matters. It's the presence of someone, their spirit, or their support. That counts more than the "mighty" dollar.

I hope I can learn from this experience in several ways. Hopefully I can learn and grown into a stronger person because this has been an emotional experience.

"Kids say the darndest things"

First of all let me say that I think I’m coming out of my slump! I was in a kind of funky mood but I’m coming out of it. Thank goodness!

This past Friday night was Melinda’s surprise birthday dinner. It was great! I thought something was going to happen to give her a clue that something was up but it turned out she was in total shock. She had a great time.

Saturday was the shower thrown by one of my Mom’s friends. I’ve had some anxiety going into it but it turned out really nice. I was nervous that I wouldn’t remember some of the ladies since it has been over 7 years since I’ve seen them. At first some of the names were distant to me but the faces I knew the moment I saw them! It was comforting being surrounded by people who knew my Mom and really cared for her. During the shower we talked about her and had some great laughs. She was a truly loved by many people and is missed. I got some great gifts that I actually used this weekend. The kids wanted to use the waffle maker so of course Sunday we made waffles! :) Anyway, the shower was great. It was comforting as well as emotional. When it was time to say goodbye I found tears in my eyes knowing that I probably wouldn’t see the majority of these women ever again. I grew up in front of so many of them. I was only 5 years old when my Mom began her career at Grapevine Colleyville ISD. I would go to work with her on “take your child to work day” and that was the highlight of my school year. I loved everyone in my Mom’s office. They were a big part of my life growing up.

After the shower I went to lunch with Melody. She actually went to the shower with me along with Madison and Connor. The kids wanted to go and meet my Mom’s friends. They are so curious about my Mom and who she was. We went to lunch at McDonalds…totally Connor’s choice! After that we went home for a while and went back out for a few more stops. One stop was Target. It seems that Bed Bath & Beyond is doing great with our registry but Target is not. Everything we got from the shower is still listed on the registry as not purchased. So to avoid duplicates for the wedding I went to edit my list. Of course the kids wanted to go because they love scanning the scanner gun! :) Who wouldn’t right? So we went to delete some stuff and then I added a few more things to the registry. As we’re walking around Connor starts asking the most random questions. I’ll just type out the conversation…

Connor: When you have a baby in your tummy is it gonna be a boy?

Me: Well..I don’t know. That’s really not my choice…it’s up to God to decide what he wants me to have.

Connor: It’s gonna be a boy so I can have a baby brother.

Me: We will have to see if I do have a baby what God gives me. Either way I already have a girl and a boy.

Connor: What if you don’t have a baby in your tummy?

Me: Well then I will be just as happy with you and your sister. God may decide not to give me a baby.

Connor: On no, he’s going to give you a baby brother in your tummy.

So cute right? I was just laughing because he has already decided that Matt and I are having a baby and that it’s going to be a boy. Oh goodness…kids are so cute.
As we were walking around Target not even half an hour later he starts asking more questions..

Connor: Kim Bye, when are you gonna see your Mom again?

This time I had to hold back the tears because this was an honest question…he does not understand.

Me: Well I won’t get to see her until I go to Heaven.

Madison: Yeah Connor, when Kim Bye goes to Heaven she will get to see her. Just like when we go to Heaven one day we will get to meet her.

Such a sweet girl :)

Connor: So you won’t get to see her?

Me: Yes, I will see her but not for a long time.

Connor got a sad look on his face and stopped asking questions.

Kids are so curious about the unknown. I think it’s sweet that they ask these questions but sometimes I don’t know what to say! Hopefully I answered these right :)

Madison asks about my Mom all the time. She will say…”Did Kristina like this?” or did Kristina do this?” and so many other questions. She is such a sweet girl. She always wants to bring flowers out to her grave and picks out cute little butterflies and things to bring out there. Connor always wants to paint something to bring to her. This makes me so happy that although they cannot ever get to know who their Grandmother was….they can find out through me. I’m so happy that they care enough to ask questions :) she would have loved that!

Anyway, I thought I would post that. I thought it was so cute and it did melt my heart.

The wedding is less than a month away. I can’t believe it!

Wedding Fever!!

Wow...my first post. I'm not in the blogging world! Hopefully I wont become completely addicted to this. I started Farmville and well we know how that has worked out for me :) Just kidding! Farmville and blogging are two completely different concepts! Hopefully I wont be a boring blogger!

This past Saturday was our wedding shower! It was my first real taste of the "wedding fever" that has just begun! I was completely overwhelmed. Is that bad...? I hope not! I had a wonderful time and enjoyed spending time with everyone. I felt like I didn't spend enough time with everyone and time just flew by! I can only imagine how crazy it will be on the actual wedding day! There will be way more people there and well it will be the wedding! I am very excited about it....the days are passing so fast now! I feel like it was a date far in the distance and now I look at the calender in shock. I think Matt is the same way! We are both truly excited.

As excited as I am about the wedding and celebrating this milestone in our lives with those we love....I am also petrified by the fact that I am going through this day without my Mother. I think about her every day and throughout every step in this process. The day I found my dress has probably been one of the biggest "meltdowns" that I've had. Of course I came home thrilled that I had found my dress and telling Matt how perfect it was and called my Aunt Rose. At the store I tried not to think about it because I didn't want to embarrass the girls I was with. I got through the entire fitting...the phone calls and then I got home. The meltdown was inevitable. I knew it would happen but I was thankful it was in the privacy of my own home and with Matt. He is such a caring man; I am so grateful for his patience and understanding. This past weekend was my wedding shower. I had such a wonderful time. So many loving friends and family were there to support us and show their love. I was going through the pictures today and smiling at all the memories that were created. As I went through the photos I couldn't help to have one of those moments. I don't have a picture my with parents. My parents weren't there. My Dad didn't show up...I guess he has his reasons...and my Mom of course wouldn't have missed it for the world, but didn't have a choice in the matter. It just sucks. That's the only way to put it :)

I have people there for me who love me as their own daughter but it will always be different. I dream about the wedding almost every night and most of the time they are good, happy and peaceful dreams. I have had the dreams that remind me that when I get to the end of the aisle there will be a flower sitting in my Mom's seat; not my Mom. I am so nervous that I will breakdown at the wedding and will be completely humiliated. I think that's partially why I didn't want to have a ceremony to begin with. I don't like to cry in front of people close to me; let alone a crowd. I'll do my best to hold it together...sigh but we'll see. Lately I've been waterworks...so I'm not sure how this will go.

Well I'm not so sure this is the most "exciting" blog beginning but it's what's going on for now! I promise my next one wont be such a downer!

Hopefully I will keep up with the blog...it might be fun to go back and read my prewedding thoughts...and after :)

Until next time...